AWOL

I've been AWOL from my blog for so long, I figured I'd give everyone an update. I'm still on long-term disability (it's been almost a year now) due to my spinal problems. I haven't really had any treatment yet, except for medication, because my cardiologist wouldn't release me for any procedure that required going off my Plavix or aspirin. Now he's released me, and I've consulted with several doctors with a growing sense of frustration. I've had conflicting recommendations (you need nerve blocks not steroid injections, you need steroid injections not nerve blocks, you're not a candidate for minimally invasive surgery, you are a candidate for it, etc). One doctor completely turned me off by seeming to trivialize this problem that has put my life on hold: "Well, you have a little arthritis and a little slippage." (This one told me that the baby aspirin that I take for my cardio problems should take care of my pain!) At two surgeons' offices, I didn't even see the doctor, just the physician assistant. So the upshot is that I'm going to have epidural steroid injections and if they don't provide any long term relief, I will hopefully have minimally invasive surgery. I want relief and I want my life back!

As for the boys, they are doing fairly well. Gabriel hasn't had any major problems since he got back on his Fazaclo. He sleeps too much and seems to exhibit more of that hebephrenic silliness, but the major hallucinations and delusions have been kept at bay, plus he's interacting with us. Keeping his diabetes under control is another story. He has managed to learn how to give himself the insulin injections, but getting him to check his blood sugar regularly or to modify his diet is like beating my head against the wall.

My mother just keeps plugging along. She just celebrated her 91st birthday and is still living at the independent living apartments, with some extra services. With the benefits of an antidepressant, she has become much more sociable, and so is enjoying life much more. I've started taking her out to eat once a week and Jesse goes to do her hair and nails frequently, and she really looks forward to that time together. I consider myself so fortunate that I have this time to spend with her, as it has brought us closer.

I am now a grandmother...Leslie had her baby, a little girl whom she named Hosanna Rachel (Hosanna is Leslie's middle name). As she is unable to care for a baby, Leslie's caregiver has agreed to become the baby's guardian and take Hosanna into her own home, so that she didn't have to go into the foster care system. I have a lot of mixed feelings about the whole situation, but it is what it is.

So, that's the wrap up. I hope to be more regular in my posts...glad to be back.

Update: Ups and downs

Since I've been neglecting my blog for the last few months, I felt that I should give you all an update on Gabriel. When I last wrote about him in January, he had finally been hospitalized after all those months of being actively psychotic and non-functional. At that point the plan was to commit him to the state hospital. But once they had him back on Clozapine (the "gold standard" of antipsychotics), he rapidly improved. Within a week and a half, he was well enough that they were able to send him home from the local hospital. In fact, he's functioning quite well on half his previous dose. It's good to have him back.

On the downside, he spent last week in the hospital, because his blood glucose was sky high (875!). We've had to make considerable changes to our schedule and eating habits, and now he's on insulin injections, as well as oral medications. This crisis was a sobering one for me. I always worry about what will happen to Gabriel when I'm gone, and now this fear has increased exponentially. I know that if Gabriel doesn't have someone to care about him and supervise him closely, the path to life on the streets will be short, and that street life would be deadly for him, given his diabetes and his vulnerability.

I also feel what Martin Luther King called "the fierce urgency of now." I know that at some point Gabriel may not function as well as he does now, so I feel an urgent need to make his life as full as I can while he can enjoy it. So Marcus, Gabriel, and I are going to Colorado over Memorial Day weekend to a family camp at the National Sports Center for the Disabled in Winter Park. There are probably a lot of other things I should be spending my money on, but this urgency of now put the camp at the top of my priority list. Gabriel has never seen mountains and never been on an airplane, so I wanted him to have those experiences. In fact, we haven't taken a vacation in about 13 years. Now that I have the free time, I want to take the boys to see some new places and have some new experiences. We are very excited about the trip and I hope to post pictures and video when we get back.